Because it's you

Because of you, 

I start drawing again,

on paper, with markers,

heartfully.

It's not a perfect drawing,

but I like it,

because it's you.

Hope you like it too,

Thank you.

April - Shits happened!

As titled, April, a shits-happened-month. Have been so busy with a lot of stuff, and is still busy-ing. For the job, we were able to finish our first milestone on time, which is great. For my life, I finally moved to the MMU staff apartment, but had an unpleasant argument with the new tenants who are going to stay with my lovely housemates. I never felt sorry for intending to break the promise, but I felt really bad and regret for keeping this good-for-nothing promise (actually is being forced to) which could caused them trouble in the future. Now I realized that I could be inhuman for the sake of those I love. But too bad I'm still not fierce enough to fight against those thick-skinned aliens!!!

Woke up yesterday midnight because this piece of shit just pierced into my mind and never stopped bugging me until I doddle it out in my PC. The phrase that came along with it was,

"a great photographer is a person who could turn a bull shit into a HOLY SHIT!" 

no, i'm not trying to make fun of the photographers out there, but this is my other way of praising them (though i know not everyone could understand the joke?) I believe that great photographers usually have their very own perspectives in telling stories through their lens. They capture the moments, the souls which we normally unaware of. For example, instead of shooting the rubbish in the refuse dump, they could give you the innocent faces with beautiful souls who are trying hard to survive by collecting the wastes from the others.

Photographs that are not only empty shells, I hope I could do something like that someday.

Hallelujah

it's indeed the most achingly beautiful song i've ever listened to.

their Hallelujah is so hurt that i wanna cry when they repeating it,
again and again.

---

A song introduced by Sam, she showed me the version by Rufus Wainwright, 
which is one of the soundtrack from Shrek.

Letter for you

I have just wrote a letter to the little boy that I sponsored, but have yet to send it out. It has been years since the last time I wrote a letter to someone. I have an unsightly handwriting now. >_<

What to write to a little boy whose family is suffering from poverty? Showing too much of sympathy would seem too awkward isn't it? So I have been plotting out the content and finally started writing this morning, in KISS form - "keep it short and simple". I used colourful pens so that it doesn't look too formal, and hopefully he will like it.

Now that there is only a sheet of paper. I wonder what else I could add in... perhaps some doodle?

Money matters

Just now I took a walk after the rain and sat by the pool until some crazy residents came around and broke my solitude. This is the swimming pool at Cyberia Clubhouse, the pool that I love the most, despite that I can't swim nor even have a swimsuit. It's much more soothing during night time where the lights are dim and the surrounds are quiet and peaceful. I could spend an hour sitting by the pool, humming songs, paddling the water with my legs and enjoying the gentle breeze. I'm blissful how it could easily ease my pains and worries. Sometimes I do wish I could curl up myself under the water to hide from the world.

Too bad I will not be able to enjoy this privilege after a month or two as I will be moving to the staff apartment. Ah, so sad. It's all because of money matters, it really really does matter.

I believe everyone has their own dreams, beautiful dreams. While most of the time, the main villain that stops them from reaching the dreams is "money", don't you agree? I've been counting my monthly incomes and expenses over and over again. Rental, bills, study loan, personal supplies, parent's need, etc. The conclusion is always the same, merely RM2,000 per month is only sufficient for my "present", it can never secure my "future". The only way out is to get more freelance/part-time jobs.

Oh God, could you generously dump some money down to me? :D

The career talk by Fei from Igloo Digital Arts struck my mind and kind of woke me up. Be it handmade artist, illustrator, photographer or makeup artist, they all couldn't make myself a living for now. So I should focus back on my dream in creating games and animations. I should prove myself some achievement in this field before I reach my thirty. As for the others, I believe it is never too late to pick them up in the future when I wish to slow down my pace. In short, I have sorta clear up some fogs that block my views all these times.

Quiz: Get to know yourself better

I have taken this quiz a few months ago, but it seems like the result for now is a little bit different.

Your view on yourself:
You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.
I think, I am intelligent and honest and sometimes sweet lol. I ain't friendly to everybody, but I do afraid of conflict. I wonder if people really like to talk to me... but I believe those who did would be regret, as I'm more to a listener.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.
I do believe that I'm a romantic person. But this cannot be confirmed unless it truly happens. After all, I love myself the most.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you meet that person.
I guess I am ready anytime, precisely, I'm waiting for him haha. But how am I suppose to know that you're my Mr. Right?

The seriousness of your love:
You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.
This is, damn TRUE.

Your views on education
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.
I'm always happy to learn new things, with the condition that I'm interested in them.

The right job for you:
You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.
Another darn true fact... when I discover more and more stuff, I start to lost focus, which is my main trouble now.

How do you view success:
You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.
I'm always confident in my own ability haha. Yet I don't think I could choose my own career now, my parents would stop me from turning my ship wheel.

What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.
I'm a person who barely takes risk and always stays inside the safe and comfortable zone. I can't foresee my future as I could only manage my present. Do I really show my anger that often?

Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.
Haha, I could never give any good advice as I'm lack of knowledge and experience. Come to me only if you wish to fail. And yes, there is so much things that I need to solve with my heart, now.

sum - March

Time really does fly. Another month is gone, in a glimpse. So what I've done in this March? Luckily, there are much more things to be shared and recorded compare to February!

It has been a long long while since the last time I did "books-shopping". My thirst of books reached its limit and burst! Moreover, the promotion prices for the members were way too tempting. In the end I bought a tons of books and broke my own records for spending hundreds in a row. All the books are in Chinese, and NONE is relates to my profession. :p

Next, I bought my first ever cosmetic products after reading Kevin's books;
1. KATE liquid foundation
2. KATE pressed powder
3. Majolica Majorca rouge majex
4. K-Palette eyebrow liner (I actually thought it was eye liner T_T)
5. ZA eyes shadow (the colours are too light to me...)

And finally, I get to sponsored a child through World Vision Malaysia. Received the letter containing the child's information last week, he is a little boy from Thailand. :) I could spend hundreds on books, on cosmetics, on myself, every month. So I shouldn't have any excuse not to sponsor at least RM50 per month, to help a child who is living under shadow of poverty, right? I can do it, you can do it! So my friends, when are you going to join the force? Will elaborate on this more next time, wanna create some pressure that makes you feel guilty and take your action immediately!

Thank You

It was such a bad day until I wanted to cry.
Besides not feeling well, a lot of things went wrong.
Luckily my housemates were by my side.
Thank you Sam and Liz, you both saved my life today.

Is this a hint from the God that I shouldn't move away but stay with you?

---

不愉快的情绪不断膨胀累计，
为了不让自己失控，
我尽量不与他人交际。
最后导致对任何人都如此冷漠，
连我爱慕的他也不能幸免。
唉。。。T_T

Cute Little Cherry Tomato

I always felt that it was such a waste to spend weekends at home doing nothing, unless you seriously need some rest. And so, today I went shopping alone. My shopping list? make-up products. Yea, it is time for me to get my hands on make-up! Will update about the items i bought soon.

After having "lunch" at about 4pm, I went to the supermarket and got myself this cute healthy fruit - cherry tomato! I only bought 2 packs as I thought it would be sufficient for one week... But, I have already finished up half pack of it just now in few minutes. I like its taste too much that I can't resist!

sum - February

This February was indeed a very short month that flew by too fast. Frankly it was an unproductive month that I can't list out any achievement. Anyway, there were some memorable incidents though, birthday surprises from my dear, my brother's buddy and colleagues; and CNY gathering which let me eat and sleep and play at ease until I gained so much weight in such a short week time. (Nuuuuuuuu... it's pretty horrible that I can no longer fit into my pants D;)

Besides, our mother earth has been emo-ing as we human being are taking her for granted. The weather here was extremely hot that my bed was being "cooked" during daytime, and it "keeps warm" until nightime. It is so uncomfortable to sleep on so I just hug my pillow and curl up on the hard cold floor. I guess that was how I defeated and fell sick. (It seems like a lot more people are getting sick, so please do take very good care of yourself!!)

FYI, my works are finally piling up, it's a lag back due to the CNY holiday. aaaaa but I feel so tired to face them now with such weak body... I wish I could have more rest and sleep. (T___T) I wonder why 7 hours sleep per day is never enough for me... Could it be the result of stubbornly being night owl for the pass few years? Well, I'm old.